An Anti-Carol

In a fit of perversity brought on by having seen Maureen Dowd's post-Election version of the "Twelve Days of Christmas" once too often (a friend sent it to me by e-mail and this morning I saw it in the Asian Age), I felt compelled to write my own childish and mean-spirited version of the song. It's quite funny if sung, though. My family will attest to the fact that I CAN sing it and frequently DID on all those endless trips by road, all the way from Bombay to Madras, all those many years ago in the last century. Here it is:



THE TWELVE DAYS OF (ANTI)CHRISTMAS



On the first day of Christmas my true hate gave to me

... a gargoyle in a dead tree.



On the second day of Christmas my true hate gave to me

... two brutal shoves and a gargoyle in a dead tree.



On the third day of Christmas my true hate gave to me

... three flesh wounds, two brutal shoves and a gargoyle in a dead tree.



On the fourth day of Christmas my true hate gave to me

... four warm beers, three flesh wounds, two brutal shoves and a gargoyle in a dead tree.



On the fifth day of Christmas my true hate gave to me

... five rotten eggs! Four warm beers, three flesh wounds, two brutal shoves and a gargoyle in a dead tree.



On the sixth day of Christmas, my true hate gave to me

... six snitches snitching, five rotten eggs! Four warm beers, three flesh wounds, two brutal shoves and a gargoyle in a dead tree.



On the seventh day of Christmas my true hate gave to me

... seven ghouls a-gorging, six snitches snitching, five rotten eggs! Four warm beers, three flesh wounds, two brutal shoves and a gargoyle in a dead tree.



On the eighth day of Christmas my true hate gave to me

... eight lawyers lying, seven ghouls a-gorging, six snitches snitching, five rotten eggs! Four warm beers, three flesh wounds, two brutal shoves and a gargoyle in a dead tree.



On the ninth day of Christmas my true hate gave to me,

... nine beggars whining, eight lawyers lying, seven ghouls a-gorging, six snitches snitching, five rotten eggs! Four warm beers, three flesh wounds, two brutal shoves and a gargoyle in a dead tree.



On the tenth day of Christmas my true hate gave to me,

... ten hags a-whoring, nine beggars whining, eight lawyers lying, seven ghouls a-gorging, six snitches snitching, five rotten eggs! Four warm beers, three flesh wounds, two brutal shoves and a gargoyle in a dead tree.



On the eleventh day of Christmas my true hate gave to me,

... eleven muggers mugging, ten hags a-whoring, nine beggars whining, eight lawyers lying, seven ghouls a-gorging, six snitches snitching, five rotten eggs! Four warm beers, three flesh wounds, two brutal shoves and a gargoyle in a dead tree.



On the twelfth day of Christmas my true hate gave to me,

... twelve hackers hacking, eleven muggers mugging, ten hags a-whoring, nine beggars whining, eight lawyers lying, seven ghouls a-gorging, six snitches snitching, five rotten eggs! Four warm beers, three flesh wounds, two brutal shoves and a gargoyle in a dead tree.

You have just read the article entitled An Anti-Carol. Please read the article from Yes Certaintly About https://yescertaintly.blogspot.com/2004/12/an-anti-carol.html